Actual call centre conversations!!!!!

Actual call centre conversations!!!!!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
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Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I t hink this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect..'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look li ke now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
Tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
Can you see that??
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged
into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you
got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f ---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize

I really should have called this the periodic blogger lol!
A few days ago I read about Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize. My immediate reaction was this, "I really need to start watching the news more often, I must have missed something REALLY BIG".
Nope, you guessed, I hadn't missed anything, he seemas to have been awarded the prize for his words and thoughts???
Henry Ford once said " You cant build a reputation on what you are going to do.", seems Henry was wrong, you can!!!
As I spend the majority of my time speaking and thinking, I'm fully expecting a knock on the door next year and having to write out my acceptance speech!!!!!!!!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!

(None of that Sissy Crap)

Are you tired of those piss weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card

Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.



2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.



4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you every chance I get until you're NOT.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!



6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.



7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall, I will laugh at you, you clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.



9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;

Because you are my friend.



Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.



tell 10 of your closest friends about this and......

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4 .

Midweek Update

I forgot to say that last weekend I had a brill time with my two eldest kids and their partners at Proms in the Park at Glasgow Green.
An excellent time was had by all and of course we got slightly inebriated, well ok.....very inebriated lol!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight I've been updating Dezinaworld for my best friend June, you can find her blog here too. She is a veritable dynamo when it comes to producing fabulous graphics!!
Tomorrow is Friday and there's nothing better than that Friday feeling huh??
See ya at the weekend!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al