Health & Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs

Health & Safety and Equality Considerations for Christmas Songs

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons.
Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around
The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three Kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Away in a Manger
No Crib for a bed - Social services???????

Actual call centre conversations!!!!!

Actual call centre conversations!!!!!

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: 'Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
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Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I t hink this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect..'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look li ke now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
Tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
Can you see that??
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged
into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you
got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f ---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize

I really should have called this the periodic blogger lol!
A few days ago I read about Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize. My immediate reaction was this, "I really need to start watching the news more often, I must have missed something REALLY BIG".
Nope, you guessed, I hadn't missed anything, he seemas to have been awarded the prize for his words and thoughts???
Henry Ford once said " You cant build a reputation on what you are going to do.", seems Henry was wrong, you can!!!
As I spend the majority of my time speaking and thinking, I'm fully expecting a knock on the door next year and having to write out my acceptance speech!!!!!!!!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!

True Friendship... SCOTTISH STYLE!!

(None of that Sissy Crap)

Are you tired of those piss weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card

Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.



2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.



4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you every chance I get until you're NOT.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!



6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.



7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall, I will laugh at you, you clumsy arse, but I'll help you up.



9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;

Because you are my friend.



Friendship is like pissing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.



tell 10 of your closest friends about this and......

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4 .

Midweek Update

I forgot to say that last weekend I had a brill time with my two eldest kids and their partners at Proms in the Park at Glasgow Green.
An excellent time was had by all and of course we got slightly inebriated, well ok.....very inebriated lol!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight I've been updating Dezinaworld for my best friend June, you can find her blog here too. She is a veritable dynamo when it comes to producing fabulous graphics!!
Tomorrow is Friday and there's nothing better than that Friday feeling huh??
See ya at the weekend!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

This Weeks Top Ten Tweets

Sorry forgot to do this last week lol!
Sooo here are the best ten tweets I've seen this week.
As always, if you like the banter, copy and paste the username into Twitter and follow them!

@CHRISVOSS I have a perfect body. It's your vision that's defective..

@Pearlydean After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? George Carlin

@mastercreating "Progress involves risk. You can't steal second base & keep your foot on first." Bob Proctor.

@SOCIALMEDIAPRO1 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

@General_Trivia My son is now an "entrepreneur." That's what you're called when you don't have a job.Ted Turner

@mike2977 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

@Courtney_182 We are all capable of achieving whatever it is that we want to achieve. If you don't think so, ask yourself why not?

@UnseeingEyes What's dumb? Directions on toilet paper. What's dumber than that? Reading them.

@mastercreating After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

@VOSSENERGY My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends

Be Well and Prosper.
Al

Help Wanted!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a Psychic, you know what it's about and where to apply already. ;)

PLR Gangster Free??

Yes Folks!!!!! Today you can download PLR Gangster for Free!!
Learn the secrets of creating a Information Empire using the PLR you probably already have on your harddrive!!
All you need to download PLR Gangster free is click on this link!!
Wooohooo how nice is that lol!!!!!!!!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

This weeks Top Ten Tweets!

OK here are my Top Ten Tweets Of The Week!!
Not in any order, just as I saw them, as always just copy and paste the @name into twitter and follow them!!

@UnseeingEyes Bill Cosbys Twitter Philosophy: I dont know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

@delmonifieth What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job

@YouQuotedQuotes The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

@stephbro77 "Character is the result of two things: mental attitude and the way we spend our time." -- Elbert Hubbard

@DarrenGibson Life is Change. Growth is optional Choose Wisely. ~UNknown

@mike2977 Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

@rleseberg Dont take life too seriously. Youll never escape it alive anyway. ~unknown

@SOCIALMEDIAPRO1: If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

@stillsafe "Without words, without writing and without books there would be no history, there could be no concept of humanity." Hermann Hesse

@Pearlydean Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

A Glasgow Love Poem

*
SLAGGY SENGA FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER FAITHER SO. *
*
FAITHER TOLD HER, SENGA DOLLL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YUR MAW DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YUR HALF BRITHER. *
*
SO SENGA PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WULL.
BUT AFTER TELLING FAITHER THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.' *
*
YOU CANNY MARRY WULL, MY DOLL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YUR MITHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MERR
I KNOW IS YUR HALF BRITHER. *
*
BUT MITHER KNEW AND SAID, MY DOLL,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
COS FAITHERS NO YUR PAPPY !!! *
*
Kinda' brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?*

Caster Semenya

Caster Semenya won the World 800m in Berlin.
Before the final however, what did the authorities do? They openly questioned her sexuality in front of the entire world. The lass is only 18 years of age, can you even begin to imagine what she was going through as she ran the biggest race of her life? Knowing that everyone was watching her purely and simply to join in the Guess The Sexuality game and not to watch her triumph???
Then as she stood on the top podium to receive her Gold Medal she was acutely aware that everyone across the globe was peering at the closeups and not cheering her (her fans were of course).
I hope she sues the authorities for psychological damages and sues for several millions in a US court where damages are assessed at a higher level than anywhere else on the planet.
The auhtorities are in need of a big jolt for the way they have conducted themselves regards this matter.
They have shown scant regard for one of their own and caused untold damage to the psyche of a highly talented athlete.
Sack em all now I say!!!!!!!!!!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

This weeks Top Ten Tweets!!

My Top Ten Tweets for this week.

@SUPERAE3 There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.

@ProsperbyDesign When you hire people smarter than you are, you prove to them that you are smarter than they are!

@manifestfuture Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin

@Pearlydean My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

@jcordella Belief consists in accepting the affirmations of the soul; unbelief, in denying them. Ralph Waldo Emerson

@mike2977 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

@General_Trivia If you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work.Kahlil Gibran

@Pearlydean I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

@bigdawg10 The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. ~Alan Watts

@HemalRadia Let go of the 'how', let the Universe orchestrate that. Your job is to set your vibrational tone with ur thoughts

As always, if you like the tweets you see just copw and paste the user name into twitter and follow them!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

Get Paid To Advertise?

I just found a new site where you can get paid
to advertise..!

That's right.. join, verify your account
and tell others.. and you will get paid up to
$1.50 per referral!

Your referrals don't have to buy anything..
they just have to be looking for places
to promote their websites, just like you..

and you get paid for every one that signs up..!

It's like "CPA meets effective advertising"

Join today: Click here!!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

Is Twitter Down Again?

Is twitter down again??
Now, I love twitter to bits, I do, It's fantastic but..........it's getting incredibly frustrating with all the outages!!
Yes, I know they were under attack from hackers but for goodness sake guys, get your act together!!
They keep banging on about fast twitter is growing but there seems to be a lack of growth in bandwidth and security updates which cause the darned thing to crash on a whim.
Please do something twitter or you'll begin to die a slow death as some bright spark comes up with a similar idea that actually does work 24/7!

Rant Over lol!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Top Ten Tweets of the Week

I decided to post my top ten tweets of the week from twitter, only had the idea today soooo they are all from today lol! I'll try to do this each week and post when I get ten I particularly like as opposed to waiting for the weekend. Might even end up doing top ten of the day cos they come in so fast lol!

In no particular order they are;

@Astronautics; Folks, did you know that Twitter had as their server password the word "password"? (True). =^..^= The lights are on; noone's in.

@DebPenner; "Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action." David J. Schwartz

@AhhPhotography; When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

@stillsafe: Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.Sir Winston Churchill

@mikewiz: When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

@jet12345; It's not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life it's how you handle what happens to you.

@LorettaHelson: "When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." ~ 1st Century Roman Philosopher

@MartinJAllsop; Remember it's your own body, your own brain You're not a victim of the universe, you are the universe - R Bandler

@delmonifieth; Smile. Tomorrow's going to be worse

@Paul_Holgorsen; The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

If you like the banter, then follow these tweeps!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

DezinaWorld, new site and blog!!

OK....I know I have an input into this as it's me that's doing the main webpage at Dezinaworld but.........you doo need to believe me that June MacFarlane's work is superb and I am soo excited about getting it all tied up in the next few weeks!
I'll tell you what I'm taking about.
Dezinaworld is a brand new site that will offer digital backgrounds, collage singles and sets and some fantastic digi stamps all made by June MacFarlane herself!
June has decided to pre-empt me somewhat lol and has set a Dezinaworld blog to test the market as it were. Way to go June! Very impressed!!! :)
You can view Dezinaworld here.
You DO need to go take a look though! I've been around the net for a long long time and the digital crafting images she produces are top quality and the name June MacFarlane will not be far from everyone's lips in the very near future!!

Click Here Now To Visit Dezinaworld!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Sometimes I just jump in.....

Yeah, sometimes I just jump right in without thinking......
Normally though I take a lot of time before I make a purchase online and I did have some to think about this one so today when the email alert arrived, yeah I just went and bought it lol.
The item in question is a serious of video training by a guy I have bought from before so because I trust hom, I got it at the.......hate these terms.......early bird or fast mover discount. When it's finally released I'll do a review here and post a link. Could well be worth the wait because I genuinely am quite excited about this one!!
The rest of today? Twittered a wee bit but not much, will do more later.
I was supposed to be out of the office in the afternoon but got cancelled unfortunately, ah well gave me time to do other stuff ;)

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Twitter and stuff

Soooo, it's been a few days since I've been here, planned on posting yesterday but my net connection was less than iffy lol.
Was thinking the other day (I know that's not a good idea ;) ) but........ water is stored underground for millions of years..and then...we put it in bottles and slap a use by date on it? Go figure......... ;)
I lost over 100 followers at Twitter last Thursday, apparently now and again Twitter do some spring cleaning and clear out spammer accounts and bogus accounts, would be nice they actually told us this upfront?
3 times in the last half hour I've boiled the kettle, well the water in it actually, and forgotten to pour it in the cup, dementia is setting in quicker than I thought .......
And now, gonna go get that coffee before I forget again!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Crafting Forum!!

A heads up for any crafters passing by!
There is a fabulously friendly bunch of gals over at the Creations by JJ Forum here!
Even thought I don't craft myself, I can still marvel at the creativity shown and the beuaty of the creations.
Sooo if you craft get over to the Creations By JJ Forum!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

We Choose The Moon

We Choose The Moon is a fabulous new website tracking Apollo 11 on it's way to the moon in real time using archive footage and simulations!
I had just turned 11 when Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon and if I was hooked on all things Space before... I was then absolutely addicted to it!
And yeah....I watch all the Shuttle launches online as well ;) you can watch a re-run of last nights STS-127 launch here along with live footage of the shuttle on it's way to the space station Space VidCast, a fantastic site for the space buff!!
Oooohhhh love this stuff, beam me up Scotty!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

The Death Of Torchwood?

I have spent the weekend pondering the future (or not) of Torchwood on BBC.
The latest offering from Torchwood, Children of Earth, was dark, really dark, but I won't be revealing any key details just in case you haven't seen it yet ;)
This was five rip roaring episodes aired on consecutive nights and for Sci-Fi fans it was a veritable viewing feast. With more twists than Rapunzle's pony tail it never let up before finally hitting viewers with some cold hard facts about captain Jack. Amazing stuff!!
The question does arise though, have we seen the death of Torchwood?
Even before the series aired, actors like John Barrowman had been quoted as saying it was like a "kick in the teeth" to be promoted from BBC3 to BBC2 to BBC1 only to have the number of episodes reduced from the norm of 13 to just five.
I have to agree and there is certainly something afoot behind the scenes.
The moralities of the Torchwood team must surely now be questioned just as the future of the series must be also.
But, and it's a big BUT, the new latest series will have no doubt, spawned a great many new fans who may never actually get to see any further episodes?
Has the Beeb finally shot itself in the foot?
Will Torchwood return?
I do not know. What I do know is this, I hope it does return and I wait with much anticipation to see which direction the Torchwood team takes in the future!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Samsung Tocco Lite?

Last week I got a Samsung Tocco Lite and think I may well be in love lol!!
Now ok, it's not exactly an iPhone but hey, it's got a fabulous touch screen, plenty of apps, fast internet browser and so on. It's actually better than the full blown version after comparison with a colleagues contract phone so if you're in the market for a new phone and can't afford an iPhone then the Tocco Lite is the one for you. (In my humble opinion of course! ;)

The Gurus Piss Me Off

I dabble in Internet Marketing and am in the process of branding myself like a lot of others........
Now you'll have noticed something here, I don't market thru this blog, I do it elsewhere, this is for fun.
But the so-called Gurus out there really piss me off. They all seem to follow each others trends.
For instance, when one sends out an "Ooops my bad Al, correct link enclosed!" email, the rest seem to follow suit like it's a good idea.
They all sell the same "next big thing" at the same time so you can predict what all the mails are about from reading the email header.
I'm not that daft to go buy something at $997 or more that's going to disappear in just a couple of months but sadly there are loads of others who do go flinging their money at self proclaimed millionaires in the hope they will at last extract the "secret".
That, friend, is never going to happen.
If you knew a "secret" that was making you mega bucks, would You sell it to the masses?
Of course you wouldn't! You might sell a snippet of one of the components but there is no way you are going to reveal it to anyone at any price.
You think Coke would sell their secret recipe? Naaaah!
So keep your money in your paypal accts and pick and choose the best value products. There are loads out there for under $20 that will tell you all you need to know if you take the time to read them all. After that, it's trial and error, you find the ways that work for you, develop your own formula and you are on your way :)

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

50 ways you know you're Scots

Got this in an email today, 50 giveaways that you're Scots


1. Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind, is your idea of good weather.

2. The only sausage you like is square.

3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.

4. You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldyin is someone over 40, and Baltic is cold.

5. You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried - haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.

6. You used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.

7. You always greet people by talking about the weather.

8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad. (in fact you'll probably ask the DJ to play it)

9. You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.

10. You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.

11. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.

12. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.

13. You only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are pissed.

14. You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) 'Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin tae? Fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness) Ah-eee right enuffff! How's you keeeepeeeen?

15. You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout - 'Errapolis.'

16. You have witnessed a 'Square Go'

17. You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, 'Are you Catholic or Proddy?'

18. You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.

19. A Jakey has asked you for 10p for a cuppa tea.

20. You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.

21. You know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you askin?' followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin'.

22. You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the 'jannie' always, used to pour it over sick in school.

23. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.

24. You don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages.'

25. You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.

26. You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words only - Awright, aye, and naw.

27. When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ' You no well?'

28. You have heard the following:
'You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans'll testify tae that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The chances o' it reachin earth,
Are ninety nine tae wan.'

29. You know that going to a party means bringin a kerry-oot.

30. Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave back home.

31. Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result'.

32. You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Kirkcaldy.

33. You love deep fried Pizza.

34. You can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.

35. You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn, winter)

36. You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.

37. You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories, and think 'that's class'.

38. You measure distance in minutes.

39. You understand Rab C. Nesbitt.

40. You go to Saltcoats because you think it's abroad.

41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.

42. You know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it.

43. You know someone who planned their wedding around the football fixtures.

44. You have been to a wedding and the football results have been announced in church.

45. You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Curries, Milk, Paint, Shoes etc.

46. Your seaside home has Calor gas under it.

47. You know that Irn-Bru is a good hang-over cure.

48. You could swear before you could count.

49. You would 'nut' a terrorist if they tried to bomb your Airport.

50. You are truly Scottish when you understand the following- How's it hingin', clatty, boggin', cludgie, Ba'heid, bawbag, and double nougat.

TV on the internet

Thought I'd post my fav video and tv channels online for your perusal, only links that work in the UK have been included cos obviously I can't see the others lol!

For full length, latest movie releases, the best two I have found are;
Project Free TV - I found this one first, some links are slow to load but good nonetheless.
Movie25 - The best I've found so far, easy to navigate, images of movies shown, classified by genre and latest.
Please note; the above sites do not host the movies, they give you links.

For sports fans like yours truly these two are best;
MyP2P - wall to wall sports! You may need to download some software to watch (safe, so far I've had no viruses etc).
ATDHE - Limited but reliable sports website, most open either in Win Media Player.
Please note; the above sites do not host the sport, they give you links.

Free TV players for your PC;
Zattoo - Very good quality streaming of national tv channels, good if you're frustrated that a programme is not showing in your region. Download and install the stable software and off you go!
FilmOn - Similar to Zattoo but with a wider range of channels, beware if you have young children, it includes a porn channel!

Free TV Channels - General and fairly comprehensive Online TV site, loads and loads of channels.

On Demand TV ; Catch up with the main UK stations on demand.
BBC iPlayer
ITV Player
Channel 4 On Demand
Channel Five On Demand

For the techies out there you can watch videos at On the Couch. These guys have a great sense of humour and give great advice too!!

More to come when I find em ;)

Be Well and Prosper!

Al

What should have happened at Britains Got Talent

Still working on that free Twitter ebook :( Been so busy I haven't even been able to see the tail I'm chasing lol!
I've had an extremely busy week at work, got home and felt completely knackered so am soooo glad it's finally the weekend!!
OHHH you're wondering what should have happened at Britain's Got talent??
See the video below!!


Be Well and Prosper,
Al

So what's new??

Soooo what's new with yours truly??
I've really put the pressure on myself lol, three websites to build at once. It wouldn't have been so bad but I went thru a 2 week period where nothing got done on the one that takes priority and then I decided to snag my name as a domain so need to work on that and then to add the pressure, my bud at work is a Hypnotherapist and asked my ages ago to redo his website.
He didn't seem to be very much into progressing things so didn't do a lot with that but suddenly he has a burst of energy and hey ho I need to work on that now too lol!
Ah well such is life and it'll do me good to try to meet targets.
As a bit of leisure, I'm putting together a short e-guide on twitter that will be free to all and include Giveaway Rights. The only way to lay your hands on it will be by visiting a site and tweeting you were there so if you want it you'd best get your Twitter account sorted now lol.
Ok am off now to partake of a small libation via the neck of a wine bottle ;)
Have fun!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Star Trek Movie and stuff

Sooo I went to see Star Trek friday night with my eldest lad. Blown away as a thoroughly amazing movie!! Loved the effects, the answers to questions I'd asked before over the years and also......... the casting was fabulous and the humour of the original series was in there as well.
Been a great weekend here in sunny Glasgow weatherwise. Makes you feel so much better does some sun!
Haven't tweeted much over the weekend, did some saturday night but that's about all, not really been in the mood for sitting refreshing the page and retweeting and answering direct enquiries, it's too time consuming lol.
CYA sometime.

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

A good night had by all

I had a good night last night.
An evening with my daughter and her partner, a few drinks and a meal aftwerwards. You can't ask for more than good company and good surroundings!
Looking forward to seeing the new Star Trek movie at the Imax later in the month with my eldest son too.
The plan off today is to get to work on a website for a pal, do some work on a couple of my own sites and of course do #Followfriday at Twitter, a day late but hey better late then never lol!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

1000+ Followers on Twitter

Last Night I hit 1000 followers on Twitter.
It's taken a couple of months and there are those on twitter who would throw their arms in the air and ask why the slow progress. The reason is, I Don't Use automated software, I Don't Go Randomly following others in order to see the follower count go up. I also stopped using the futile links I posted a couple of weeks back, all I got from them was the follow/unfollow gang lol, yeah I learned my lesson ;)
I have no use for a list of followers who don't read my tweets, that's utterly pointless.

So, how do you grow your followers without doing all the above?

First, you need to complete your profile, most tweeters (myself included) don't follow anyone who has not completed their profile.

Tweet often to keep your profile page showing you are active. Again, no recent activity means I don't follow back.

Limit your marketing tweets to 1 or 2 per day maximum. Currently, I only do a marketing tweet about twice per week.

ReTweet often. People like it when their tweets are forwarded on and will do the same for you. It's about building relationships dontcha know! A little bit of familiarity and trust goes a long way.

Vary your tweets. Don't just tweet about your one and only fav subject, tweet about loads of em. So far today I've tweeted about football, politics, charity links, funnies etc.

Engage with others by replying to their tweets or RT (ReTweet) with something like <=I like this!! tagged onto the end. When someone retweets your tweet, reply to them and say thanks.

Get yourself a custom background and add some additional static info showing why you give value. Check out mine here. See the white panel on the left? I tell folks I'll RT their "good cause or charity" tweets and I do it too. I know this way I will get likeminded folks following me.

More Twitter Tips to follow when I think of them lol.

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Quick Ramble

It's been a while and boy has it been a busy while lmao!!!
Too many projects at the one time left me absolutely knackered and i really need to prioritise more effectively. Not easy for one who loves to jump from one thing to another............. :(
Tonight I have #followfriday at twitter to do, an index for my best buds new domain, a bunch of pics to resize and upload for another pal and the list goes on.
Ah well lol, it's Friday so a late night isn't a problem and I secretly like nights like this but shooossshhh don't tell anyone ;)
That's it for now, need to get on ;)
Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Help Find My Child

Help Find My Child is new and fast growing site that actively promotes and helps to locate missing children across the globe!
All you need to do to join this great bunch of volunteers is go their website Help Find My Child and sign up and promote the cause!
Use your blog, website, facebook, MySpace, Twitter anything you like and you can make a real difference!!

Hope to see you there soon!!!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

Love Twitter, Hate Facebook

So, here I am laid up and off work bah!
Pulled a muscle in my left leg on Friday and still can't manage a decent representation of walking.
All is not lost though, I'll have a bit of time to get me new membership site launched at the weekend. Great when you find a member script that acutally works!! :)
Wonder what I did before twitter? It is totally addictive and I love the interactivity it offers in real time.
Did you get your twitter freebie btw? Still available by clicking here :)
I signed up to Facebook....hmmmm.....giving it a miss, can't even find the url to send folk to or even see my own front page. :(
Time to exercise the peg leg ;)
Be well and prosper,
Al

Do You Twitter? Three Freebies For You!

Do you twitter? If so, you'll like this to get you on the right track!
Here's what you get for no cost and no sign up required either!
TWITTER TRAFFIC MAGIC
TWITTER AUTOMATION REPORT
TWITTER IT PACKAGE with PRIVATE LABEL RIGHTS!!!!
Remember, it's all for no cost!
Click here to get your free threebie!!

That was great decision you made to click and check it out!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

On Life...again and other stuff

My Pal's lad is doing ok thankfully. He's up and about albeit with a leg dragging a bit and speech slurred. The fact is, he's making progress and that's what matters. :)
I've started twittering. Ok I know I twitter on about stuff anyway but Twitter.com is a great way to make contact and stay in conrtact with others without the hassle of making long blog posts or sending emails. You can join me at twitter here.
Today is Wednesday which means there is a free healing session over at my Reiki forum, you can get there directly by clicking here. It starts at 8pm UK time and all you need to do is become a member and post your details in the thread.

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Trouble Staying Motivated?

Right now I'm in Healing mode, mainly due to Adam of course (see previous post) but also because I'm building up my free reiki site once more after a prolonged absence but back online again. I purchased the Private Label Rights to this ebook so I could break it down and post online and of course....you don't need to buy it now ;)
Want to read the ebook? Just Click here and you'll go there directly!

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

On Life

Every now and again....something happens to change your perspective on life stuffff.
Last night my best pal's son, aged 30, had such a bad stroke that no operation is possible, is in intensive care and all the family can do is sit and wait. He doesn't smoke and lives a clean life. Recently, he found a new partner who was already pregnant. He fell in love and made the decision to bring up the unborn child as his own. Baby is healthy and a couple of months old but Dad is in hospital.
Makes you wonder why stuff happens huh? I'm not religious but consider myself to be a spirtual being and I also practice reiki as a Master/Teacher. I'm often asked questions about life related matters. When it comes to ordinary day to day stuff, that's not a great problem but things like this leave you stunned and without words.
If you are reading this just now I would like to say this.
You are conscious, breathing and probably at home. You have enough wealth to have a PC and be online. You are healthy enough to be reading this even if you have a disablity. You may be cold because you can't afford the heating bills but you DO have shelter. You may be hungry also but you made the choice to pay the broadband bill instead of eating. You had and made the choice.
From today onwards I urge you, appreciate the little things you do each day without even realising you do or have them. Then when something bigger comes along you will really appreciate it for what it is. Be happy!!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

A Saturday Ramble

Currently got the West Indies vs England cricket Test match on the radio. Not sure if England are pathetic (Yeah I'm a Scot lol but I do like to follow England at cricket ;) ) or the Windies have simply found a real match winner in Taylor. The score at the moment is England 28-7 and on course for their lowest ever test score. They need to score 45 to avoid that.
Anyway....I was at Burns Night last night, only my second ever, and I had a ball! Great recitals from all involved and a thoroughly enjoyable experience. One of the speakers recited this it's not Burns, it's Matt McGinn but is fantastically funny and called The Big Effen Bee. Enjoy!!!

25 Signs You Have Grown Up

25 Signs You Have Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are all alive, but you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

Shannon Mathews' Mother gets 8 years

Shannon Mathews' Mother gets 8 years imprisonment.
This woman conspired with Michael Donovan to kidnap her own daughter in order to fraudulently obtain the reward money for finding her.
In doing so, she cost the general public £3.2m, subjected her own daughter to a most horrific and traumatic experience and subjected her family to a similarly horrific emotional roller coaster.

Quotes from the Judge Mr Justice McCombe's summation;

"It is impossible to conceive how you could have found it in you to put this young girl through the ordeal that you inflicted upon her.

"It is incomprehensible that you could have permitted your friends, neighbours and in your case, Matthews, even your children to sacrifice time and energy in extensive searches for the supposedly missing child."

8 years........... that woman will, in true brit justicial fashion, be out in 4 years with good behaviour.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
The punishment must reflect the crime and in this case the punishment most definitely does NOT meet the crime.
I am sick to death of the so-called "Justice" system in the UK. Weak and wimpish, they should take a leaf out of our freinds across the pond in the US and make sentences real and actually deter someone from committing such atrocities.
OK, rant over.

be well and prosper,
Al

Bushisms

I found these online and thought I'd pass em on. Love him or loathe him you do have to say that George W. Bush and his bushisms do make you laugh.

"They misunderestimated me."

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead."

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise himself."

"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"Reading is the basics for all learning."

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."

"Will the highways on the internet become more few?"

"Information is moving. You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."

"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three - three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"

"All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone."

And my personal favourite.......................

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."

Be Well and Prosper,

Al

Free Games To Play Online

I just uploaded a new website. Called Free Games 2 Play Online you can go there by clicking here
All the games are free to play and no sign up is required!
Soooo if you want free games to play online...now you can!!!
Have fun!

Be Well and Prosper,
Al

Blog Candy!

Ok a rave instead of a rant lol.
My good friend June at Paper Jewellery is offering Blog Candy with a difference to launch her new site PaperJewellery.net. Instead of giving you graphics for your website she is offering a real, tangible jewellery item that is totally unique for a link to her blog. All you need to do is go to Paper Jewellery snag the blog url, link your blog to it and then post a comment to be entered in the draw for one of June's Paper Jewellery products!
This is too good to miss IMHO!! Go get in the draw now!!

Be Well and Prosper!
Al

2009 Is here

Hi everyone and I take this opperchancity to wish you all a very Happy New Year, a fabulous 2009 and hope it brings you nothing but the good stuff!!
2008 was a mixed bag for me that fell marginally on the negative lol so looking forward to a new start ;) I know dates and numbers are largely unimportant as we don't actually know when the universe started exactly and it was def a lot earlier than 2009 years ago but...... I'm a sucker for the psychological boost a being can get from being able to throw off the shackles of past problems and start afresh lol!

Be Well and Prosper!

Al